There is something that I am always afraid to admit to myself: I hate running on the treadmill.

But how can I avoid the feeling that I need to work out? In a world designed around a media that constantly showcases models recreated by makeup artists, women whose careers simply revolve around maintain their figures and photoshop capabilities that can make anyone unrecognizable, we are almost forced to set high standards for ourselves. We make consuming, unrealistic and destructive goals about how we want to appear. I want to be “that thin.” I want to look “that beautiful.” I want to be “that perfect.”

And so here we are left with a conception of beauty and perfection that is designed around those exact goals: an already size 2 model photo-shopped to a size 0 and presented as the ideal. But how can we ever live up to that standard?

I am certainly a culprit of this ignorance.

As I have grown older, I have become more and more eager to change my lifestyle in ways that I hope will push me toward this image of perfection. Often times, this has motivated me to count calories and record every minute spent on the treadmill. That sounds easy, right? Eat less, work out more, become perfect.

Wrong.

Mostly, these “diets” have left me unhappy. The obsessive endeavors have not only made me really hungry but also very frustrated with the person I felt like I had to become. I usually ended up thinking that I simply wasn’t good enough to achieve the image of perfection that for which I was striving.

Also wrong. Somewhere along the way, I figured out that the problem wasn’t me…it is them.

Here is something that we hear over and over again: looking like the photos you see in magazines and advertisements is not possible. But how often do we really believe it? We need to realize that our jean size is not correlated with our happiness. We need to realize that when people look at us, they don’t care if we are wearing a size 4 or a size 0. We need to realize that there is no such thing as perfection.

In January, I decided to give up gluten. At first, this was just another diet. I figured that if I didn’t eat gluten I would consume fewer carbs and calories. After a few weeks I began to realize the difference between this change and all of the other obsessive calorie-counting, vegetable-consuming, treadmill-focused “diets” I had attempted: I spent significantly less mental energy on how I looked and more on how I felt. Being “gluten-free” had inadvertently forced me to avoid many unhealthy foods that I would have normally snacked on and subsequently turn toward healthier alternatives. But unlike my other experiences, I did not have to write down everything I put in my mouth. Instead of feeling hungrier, I simply felt healthier. I started to have more energy and sometimes even running on the treadmill wasn’t  so bad.

This wasn’t a diet. It was a lifestyle change.

And after all, isn’t that what we should be focused on? It’s not about being perfect or flawless or even about being thin. Our lifestyle choices should be directed toward raising our self-esteem and making choices with which we are comfortable. Improving our diets and exercising more frequently are both positive decisions, but make those choices for the right reasons. Improve these habits to make yourself healthier and to feel like the best version of yourself.

And the next time you are tempted to change yourself into something “better,” be sure to ask, “better for whom?”