Light humor, heavy heart

Last weekend, I stumbled into school as a disheveled mess of wrinkled clothes, unwashed hair and baggy-eyed glory.

Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling particularly attractive.

So when I told my friend his untied shoelaces were an eyesore out of concern for his safety, and he retorted, “YOU’RE an eyesore,” I didn’t take it well.

Despite the fact that he was only teasing, I couldn’t help but take the comment personally because of how I looked. In retrospect, the comment really wasn’t a big deal. But as I weakly chuckled back in reply, the sting of his words quickly took over my mind. Knowing that the joke was meant to be harmless didn’t stop the immediate sinking feeling in my stomach. My reflexive laughter wasn’t reflective of how badly I wanted to make a beeline for the nearest restroom and attempt damage control on my sloppy appearance.

As the day went on, I grappled with the doubt I felt in my self-confidence. Did I really look that terrible? Or was I just too paranoid?

My friend never knew the self-consciousness and doubt he had unintentionally provoked in me. Probably because this brand of degrading and sarcastic humor has grown to become so common on social media and in daily conversation that it is now a social norm to insult our friends.

Admittedly, it’s fun to tease our peers. And considering how rapid-fire we like our comedy these days, it’s certainly easier to pass off unoriginal, negative comments as funny retorts than to quickly counter with inoffensive, witty remarks. But as insults populate modern entertainment culture, our consciousness and consideration for others diminishes. We forget that every word holds a separate and distinctive meaning. When our mental thought process begins to fall short, and we neglect to remember the literal, often cruel meaning behind our words, sometimes those on the other end of the conversation can find themselves down a rabbit hole of embarrassment, apprehension and conflicting emotions.

Of course, there is a certain charm to consciously insulting our friends with the mutual understanding that our hostility only exists on the superficial level, like when we’re just trying to get a laugh out of our friends. In this age of sarcasm and facetiousness, sometimes the truth comes disguised as humor, and sometimes a joke is just a joke. Insecurities do not exist exclusively on the superficial level, and when one is tugged up to the surface and brought to attention, it strikes a chord with us. We fear the honesty behind the comment, yet real humor should never leave us with that sense of uneasiness.

In reality, the mutual acknowledgement of a joke does not constitute as the acceptance of one. Instinctive laughter is not an indication of amusement. Having confidence does not necessarily mean someone is without any  insecurity.

And making light of negativity does not translate into humor.