Now we’re entering the wild outback of the Glenbrook North parking lot. Look, mate! Here comes anotha black Jeep Wranglah! Nasty brutes they are. But what a beaut! Watch as she takes the turn incredibly fast and — crikey! She almost knocked down those freshmen like she was layin’ shrimp on the barbie.

Now, the bell rings. It’s 7:35 a.m. and a few stragglers are trying to park late. It looks like they’re out of luck. Some wily sophomores came in earlier and parked illegally. This subspecies of sophomore is filled with hubris and rebels by parking without a parking pass. Oi! Lookee the time! It’s already 7:40 a.m., and the jungle is deserted. We’ll return later to see one of the most spectacular phenomena in all of nature.

G’day, and welcome back to Manimal Planet. We’re in the parking lot again, where the local time is precisely 2:50 p.m., and we’re preparing for something incredible: the largest stampede in the North American suburban jungle. It happens like clockwork on a near-daily basis. Watch as the teenagers pile behind the door, waiting for the parapros to set them free. And they’re off! Look closely to see the males in gray joggers speed-walking to their cars. Notice how they don’t run — running is out of the norm in the pack. If the males violate the norm, they’ll find themselves at the bottom of the ranks.

The flow of the stampede continues. Observe how many of the teenagers are not looking as they bolt into the street. This has baffled ecologists for decades, and the question still remains: why would a teenager want to walk into a busy parking lot without looking? The anomaly may forever be one of nature’s many mysteries.

At this point, we can see that many of the teenagers are in their cars, however one subspecies stands out: the Jerks. These teenagers are a constant disturbance to others around them because of the Jerks’ inability to let others out of their parking spots. They pull out aggressively and tail the person in front of them until the Jerks exit the lot. They get home one minute earlier for the meager price of ruining everyone else’s day.

Have a look at this! It’s a rare Saint! Everyone out there watching today, you’re in luck. Saints are another unique subspecies of teenager, and they’re the opposite of Jerks. Saints allow more than one person to back out of parking spots. Shocking, I know. Saints are rare, but they do exist. And when they come around, they make everyone a little bit happier.

That’s all we have for our wild adventure today. Thank you all for joining us on this adventurous season of “Suburban Jungle,” and I hope you enjoyed our glimpse of Northbrook wildlife. For next season, folks, let’s all remember that everyone can live on the wild side. But that doesn’t mean we all should.