I was jail-bound to my bed. My heart thumped as my eyes fixed on my phone. Each notification sent my stomach into a somersault, but a wave of disappointment washed over me every time I realized the buzz I was feeling was just a group chat message or a Google Classroom update. I needed that one person to text me back, and until that happened, my mind would continue to spiral.
We’ve all been there, anticipating a text that never seems to come. While we wait for a response, our thoughts descend into the worst-case scenarios: They hate me. I’m annoying. I did something wrong. Our relationship is doomed.
Sure, the delayed response could’ve been an honest mistake — a message lost in a sea of others and forgotten about. But that tendency quickly became a pattern, a testament to this person’s lack of commitment and desire to interact with me only when they felt like it. And as I let myself be disregarded, I began to feel like merely an option.
During this relationship, I let a single person dictate my mood for weeks on end. I couldn’t think about anything else. I’d decline when my friends would ask to hang out, choosing instead to wallow in my bed simply because I was unable to acknowledge the happiness around me or distract myself while my mind remained stuck on the forgotten response.
My reclusiveness soon reached a breaking point. I realized I was isolating myself, letting someone make me feel unworthy and small despite being surrounded by dozens of people who uplifted me every single day. Everything suddenly seemed silly.
I began to take back control of my time and energy. I channeled my emotions into writing, studying more and planning hangouts with friends. Instead of agonizing over a response, I started spending time with the people in my life who truly love me, which was exactly what I needed to find myself again.
When we prioritize another person more than we prioritize ourselves, we ignore potential red flags and hide our personal qualities that the people in our lives love most. We focus on something that hasn’t happened yet rather than appreciating the amazing people and experiences that already welcome us with open arms.
We allow ourselves to be treated the way we think we deserve to be. By enabling people to make us feel unloved and insecure, we give them power over our identities.
Whether in a friendship or a romantic relationship, I urge teens to put themselves first. You can’t control how a person treats you, but you can always control who you surround yourself with.
When I finally received a message from that person, I decided not to respond. As tempting as replying may have been, I realized I had to act in my best interest. I deserve to be a priority, not an afterthought. From that point forward, I’ve been present at every hangout I’m invited to, and I’ve spent a little extra time at the dinner table because I want to show the people who love me just how much I love them back. No strings attached. No messages left unresponded to.