While walking through the halls, you will likely hear many students complaining. Frustration at a teacher for assigning too much homework over the weekend. Irritation at having to stay late at school for practice. Annoyance at being told not to touch the moss wall. These complaints eventually blend together into background noise, making it harder to distinguish everyday frustrations from problems that deserve more attention.
As important issues are lost in a sea of grievances, our voices become overlooked, preventing those who can enact change from recognizing and addressing critical problems.
Questioning things we believe need change is important, and complaining can be a way to bond over shared problems. But when complaining becomes a substitute for addressing an issue, it loses its purpose. Rather than trying to solve a problem, many would rather just wallow in pessimism.
Hearing another person describe a shared situation negatively, such as calling a teacher inconsiderate or a test difficult, could change someone else’s memory of the event as new information becomes linked to the original memory, said Dr. Christine Coughlin, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Illinois Chicago.
Listening to others’ complaints can have the unintended consequence of warping people’s perception. A single person’s complaining may bring down the mood of an entire group.
When someone focuses on the negatives of an experience, their interpretation becomes biased, and they make sense of the experience in a potentially more negative way, Coughlin said.
Complaining to friends and peers who have no power to change a situation only spreads frustration, so people should be intentional and direct their criticism toward finding a solution. If you find yourself complaining about something you can change, such as a toxic friendship, then help yourself by taking action. If you genuinely don’t want to do something, like a stressful extracurricular, then find a way to get out of that position. If you are unhappy with how something is being run, have a conversation with the people in charge. Use your voice to spark action.
People should envision the steps needed to achieve a better future, focusing on the process rather than solely the outcome, Coughlin said.
Complaints can lead to change, but in order for that to happen they must be about controllable issues. Rather than just repeating the same pointless frustrations, we should use our voices to bring attention to meaningful problems. Our voices are too important to waste, so use them where they actually count.